Psychology: Presenting the Problem (Essay Sample)

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My client is John Buchan and he has been married for the last 15 years and he is currently facing depression due to the marital problems he is facing with his wife. It has led to even lack of sleep considering he has to wake up very early to go to work from Monday to Saturday in order to support his family as he is the sole provider. His wife quit her job as a realtor in order to concentrate on the family meaning she is now a house wife. Work for John is not bad as he is able to support his family and three children who attend a private school. He claims that his marriage is falling apart and this is his only solution as the last option is divorce an alternative that he does not want to consider for the sake of their children. The constant arguments and fights are already affecting the children and he feels that since he is still very much in love with his wife, Mrs. Buchman, he is willing to fight for their marriage.
Presenting the Problem
As earlier mentioned Mr. John visited me to seek marital counsel on the way forward to try and salvage his marriage which is falling apart. John claims that his wife of 15 years has been having an affair with their next door neighbor for more than six months and he recently just found out. Wife is currently pregnant and he is not sure whether the child is his or not despite the wife claiming that the child is his. Before his wife indulged in the premarital affair with their next door neighbor they were having troubles especially in communication. He claims that the wife constantly complained that he was too busy and barely made time for the family. The children barely get to have time with him.
In his defense to lack of availability, he claims that he has to work very hard considering he is the family’s bread winner. In regards to this, his wife offered to start working as the work load at home had reduced considerably since all the children are now in school to which he could not let her. He claims that there is a lot to be done at home and he makes more than enough in his law firm where he is a lawyer. This mis- understanding and lack of coming to terms in a similar conclusion has brewed huge fights over the years. Mr. John feels that he is partly responsible over his wife’s affair due to his lack of availability considering that he puts in a lot of working hours leaving the wife with a lot of time on her hands especially when the children are in school.
This marriage also lacks intimacy. The main reason being the constant fights and thus it kills the romance that is left. Also john on many occasions gets home late and thus is very tired to even indulge his wife into some sort of romance. The lack of intimacy may be one of the reasons that Mrs. Buchman felt the need to walk out on their marriage which is not a justified excuse. On various occasions Mrs. Buchman has visited her husband at work for lunches and noticed that there were some junior associates who seemed interested in her husband despite him not showing them any interest whatsoever. Being that they are very beautiful and her husband is also a very handsome man she felt jealous and does not trust that he is being faithful. One of the main reasons leading to her conclusions is due to the fact that she is not being faithful and thus she has the fears that her husband is neither being faithful.
This marriage is so far being faced with a number of problems which are lack of trust a very essential component in any relationship in order to make it work. Love is important but trust is its main driving force. Another issue as earlier observed is infidelity, communication barriers and the lack of intimacy.
Goal
The client’s goals in this case are to try and salvage his marriage and treat the depression he is undergoing. All marriages face a level of difficulty one time or the other since nothing is perfect but it is the will to put in work into it that makes it work. The advice that I offered is that they both had to be available for counseling in order to understand each other and to listen to each other’s point of view.
The first issue on communication issues this may be one of the broadest and most difficult terms to define with regard to relationships. It tends to have many different meanings to each of us. For the purposes of this explanation I define it as mis-Understanding. Literally, this means not understanding the other person's point of view. This is often more a matter of refusing to allow the existence of the other's view as opposed to not understanding it! It is an unwillingness to take the time to genuinely listen and care to understand. In many relationships the interest seems to lie primarily in getting one's own point of view heard and understood rather than having an interest in hearing and understanding the others (O'Leary, 2013).
There is an irony here worth looking at. If people cared to listen to the other person with as much interest as he or she wished the other would listen to them, both would end up receiving exactly what they are looking for. In this case Mr. John should try taking into consideration his wife’s idea of going back to work and also he should try and cut down the time he spends at work and create more time for his family.
The other issue is on sex and intimacy. This topic is so huge and complex an area that I can only give the briefest of introductions in this format. Sex is one of the most common areas of conflict in many relationships, but without a doubt, it does not stand alone. Ruling out any physical or medical causes of difficulty, it is usually in some way a reflection of whatever state the relationship is in. For instance, if communications have become hostile and withholding either for punishment or defense purposes, that hostility manifests itself sexually as well. Often this is one of the natural outcomes of unfulfilled expectations.
Chronic disappointment and dashed expectations can manifest in a serious loss of intimacy in a relationship. Not being able to identify what the expectations are, no less clear them up, makes matters even worse. If there is a lack of intimacy with regard to the basic friendship in the relationship, it is also expressed in some manner in the bedroom (O'Leary, 2013). To further complicate matters, as rule sexual interactions mean something different to men than they do to women. Women like to feel emotionally connected before they become physically connected. Men, on the other hand, often use sexual activity to get connected in the first place. The main issue here is that it is a mistake to hold your partner responsible for your needs. Rather, you would do better to look at how desirable you've made yourself to your partner...