Managing Conflict in Relatioship (Other (Not Listed) Sample)

Managing Conflict in Relationship
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Managing Conflict in Relationship
The conflict I am having is with my wife whom I have been in marriage with for a long time already.
1. Describe the problem
Me: My wife, you remember the days before we got married and the way we used to play together?
Wife: Yes, I do. We used to have more fun, nice moments, etc., that I think we all enjoyed very much. I remember our talks and everything.
Me: I appreciate that you remember and for sure the experiences were really good for me. But, I have observed for some time that things have changed greatly, especially since we began living together as husband and wife. We are having lots of differences, in particular, in communications and our talks. Precisely, each one of us wants his or her side to win and it appears we are constantly in opposing sides.
Wife: I don’t understand you. You have been the cause of many differences in the house yet you are blaming me!
Me: Calm down, I am not blaming you. I am just making an observation that affects both of us. I do not like it when we differ and we exchange hard words to one another. I do not feel you find it enjoyable either.
Wife: I get annoyed when you do not want to listen to me and push me to accept everything you say whereas you cannot even accept anything I say. Don’t I have a voice in this house?
Me: Each of us has a voice and the freedom to express oneself. That is why we are having this conversation to iron out the issues we have had so as to avoid leading an unending problematic life. I also feel bad when you make statements like "I know better than you”, "If I were you I would do it differently”, "you are wrong”.
Wife: I see. So what about the observations?
2. Achieve understanding
Me: Do you feel the problems we are having as we live together may be unnecessary?
Wife: Well, I think we have had many differences. But, I would need to understand you clearly and your thoughts.
Me: I would like to share my feelings on the problems we have had and will be glad if you share yours too, not to blame the other but for purposes of understanding the other.
Wife: That’s okay.
Me: Thanks. I have had concerns over the differences and hard communications, we frequently have that I feel are not nice for a marriage life I would desire. They make me feel pointless in managing my life either in the house or also in the normal life at work. I feel a bit disappointed and ashamed on the way I have been treated. The differences make me feel low self-esteem and low dignity from the ways you think about me. I usually imagine the beautiful life of other people who have good communications.
Wife: I see. That sounds really hard experiences. However, you have contributed to this situation.
Me: Thank you for listening and understanding my feelings. I feel you have put yourself in my shoes. May I hear what your feelings have been?
Wife: I have also been displeased and feel low value when we differ and get bitter about the other. Worse, most times you go silent without us achieving solutions to the issues or problems and this hurts me very much. I also hate it when I get angry and cannot control myself. Sometimes I get confused what to do.
Me: I think now I understand your feelings better.
3. Identify individuality and common goals
Me: It would be my pleasure if we could turn around the recent experiences and ways of communicating with the other to have better and enjoyable time. Marriage is meant to last for a long time and it is worth the couples have the best moments. Would you like that?
Wife: That sounds nice. I have really liked nice experiences just like we have had before marriage. In fact, I looke forward to the continuation we have had and even better because we used to communicate and understand the other very well.
Me: That’s very beautiful to hear from you, my wife. I too actually longed for a marriage full of understanding that would bring happiness and joy to both of us. I would like we have some changes. I would want to feel trusted, asked what could be going on, and be more responsible for our lives as a husband in the marriage.
Wife: I would also like to play roles and be responsible wife, feel loved, valued and involved in things that influence our lives. I would be very comfortable with that.
Me: It is apparent that the goals for our lives are similar. Neither you nor I would like sad and displeasing moments but desire better treatments.
Wife: Yes.
4. Brainstorm possible solutions
Me: Now that our goals are similar to our life together as a couple, I would like us to develop some solutions that the conflicts we have had. What do you suggest?
Wife: Yes. That is very good. Work out and list some ideas and I will develop some too.
Me: Alright, I agree. Then we will evaluate ideas and select the most suitable for our situation.
Wife: I will be done in no time.
Me: Mine is ready. Tell me when you are done, we discuss.
Wife: My solutions...