CRITICAL ANALYSIS: LOSING A MOTHER (Thesis Sample)

CRITICAL ANALYSIS: LOSING A MOTHER By (name) Course Tutor University City and State October 10th 2016 Abstract Different people deal with the loss of their loved ones in various ways. The variation of the extent of grief and the activities that one engages in, during the grieving period is determined by one's culture, the level of attachment and the presence or absence of helpers who may see a person grieving out of the situation. Grieving can be a conventional way of adapting to the loss of a loved one. However, most of the times, people handle the difficult period in an inappropriate way and often end up hurting themselves. Having helpers that will see one get over the death of a mother is imperative; especially if the child had not yet fully grown to explore other attachments to another member of the family, as well as the society as a whole. Even though this situation may pose a problematic scenario, to the left young ones, when adequate measures are taken towards ensuring a proper recovery of such a child, the great danger of suffering from other chronic disorders may be alleviated. Consequently, it is important to understand the concept of the grief that is experienced, as well as the probable helpers that can assist in wading of the fateful memory. Concept of Grieving a mother According to Doka and Martin (2011), the bereaved may express their sorrow in different ways depending on what they are in a capacity to do at that time. These actions are meant to express their grief while acting as a path of getting over the death. The two authors, however, express their concern over some of the actions that the bereaved may take add no value in reducing the impact of the loss. The difference on their effect depends on the situation at hand; the extent of the damage, as well as the course of action that has been chosen (Smith and Segal, 2016). The situation gets even more complicated when the bereaved had never experienced such a loss before or never anticipated a day that such a fateful occurrence would befall them. The rude shock may take them as well, or leave them permanently wounded. Earle, Komaromy, and Bartholomew (2008) ascertain that grief is the best way of detaching with those who are dead and finding a way of replacing the dead with the living through creating new relational bonds. This demands the understanding that loss is part of life (Wilson, 2013). The ability to develop an attachment that successfully replaces the old attachment makes the mourning period short. However, many people find it hard to find a suitable match, of the living, to their dead (Klass, Silverman and Nickman, 2014). The failure leads to an extended duration of sorrow, even after a considerable number of days after the death. The concept of letting the dead go and moving on comes with a cost. Often, people may never find a good match wand memories of their loved ones keep coming, especially through dreams. As times, fear of loss of one’s life may be expressed out of the death of a mother (Worden, 1996). Others may find life a little less meaningful after the loss, even though they may claim to have moved on. Ensuring that such tangles do not deter those left behind demands proper address of the loss from efficient helpers. The Nature of Complicated and Uncomplicated Grief There has been an unresolved issue on whether to address complicated grief as a disorder. A disorder is something that has altered the normal functioning of the mind, such that uncommon set of thoughts that are bad arise which are from the norm (Stroebe Schut and Van den Bout, 2013). Therefore, complicated grief can be termed as a disorder as it incorporates depression. The depression leads to a psychotic ideation that lasts for a considerable while, even after a duration after the actual death occurred (Belsky and Nezworski, 2015). Mostly, such situations result in the breakdown of the psychological functioning of the mind. Such mental damage, which is involved in complicated grief can easily cause permanent impairment (Lichtentha, Cruess and Prigerson, 2004). A developed concept exists, which explains the relationship between the levels of affection towards a mother to the levels of pain towards the same parent at the time of sorrow. A very close relationship between the mother and a child will lead to a similar expression of happiness to the mother if the mother succeeds in business, and equally a same extent of grief at the time of death (Belsky and Nezworski, 2015). Apparently, everyone who loves a mother must know that there exists a risk of grieving should the death of the mother occur while they are in a proper mental capacity. Complicated grief appears distinct from depression, uncomplicated anguish and anxiety. The post-loss symptoms used to study the differences between these death loss effects were investigated by Boelen and van den Bout (2005). Using a confirmatory factor examination model, the study, indicated that complicated grief yields pretty different cluster symptoms from those of depression and anxiety (Boelen and van den Bout 2005). However, it might be unwise to associate specific behaviours to complicated grief as people from different cultures across the world express their grief in diverse ways. However, Wilson (2013) indicates that the pertinent fact remains that it affects people universally and the pathological symptoms are what people from given cultures may consider as an excessive expression of grief to extents that would harm the griever's mind-set. This concept is also acknowledged by (Crittenden, 2013) Uncomplicated (normal) grief is seen as the standard sadness that is associated with the mourning of their loved ones. These are sad moments that one recalls the life of their mother. Often, normal grieving is healthy as it involves remembering the happy days that are gone, never to come back, yet always remembered due to their effect of affection. This evokes an assertion that grief is closely related to love shared between the dead mother and a son, or a daughter. It could be a shred of the memory of motherly love during childhood, happy family day, or a celebration that had made the mother happy (Lamb et al., 2013). Healthy grief is affected by several determinants; who, how and what is the relationship between the grieving and the dead as Wilson (2013) explains. Grieving a mother may not be as bad grieving a child. However, the grieving mother may be determined by the age of the child, the dependency of the child to the mother and the history that the two share. Healthy grief is expressed with tears of sadness. That express the hearts, pain, and anguish after recognising that their beautiful mother is no more. Sudden deaths are received with shock and disbelieve, and usually, children will want to reject the news. Helpers and their Impact to a Bereaved who is Grieving The primary group of assistants are the professional counsellors. They are helpful as they introduce the concept of overcoming the grief from a professional tone, and may come in handy, particularly when close relatives are not available to see the child who has lost a mother get over the death. At times, the counsellors may use a professional appeal that does not may lead to the desolate rejecting the counsel (Parker and Manicavasagar, 1986). Therefore, to avoid this setback, counsellors have to be vigilant and assess their method to avoid biases, unwelcoming approaches and inappropriate intervention methods. Additionally, since most of the instrumental grievers who are affected by the death of their mothers are men, is prudent that a counsellor adopts methods that have managed to help men get over the death of their parents. Worden (2008) expresses his concern over how the bereaved handle the mourning process. The first aim of any helper should be bringing sense to the bereaved. Denial of reality is a common phenomenon that happens with many who are left. This situation is worse when the death is abrupt and unexpected. Explaining the fact that everyone faces such a situation, so long as they have treasured people who are close, at one point in life, is not easy. Professional counsellors are best fitted to develop this kind of reality. Among the used approaches is discussing the person in a contemplation mode that accounts for the best moments encountered with the passed mother (Worden, 2008). A particular discussion can then be directed to the event of the death, such as the cause, situation during the death, situation after the death, anticipated changes that will occur now that the mother is no more. Such a discussion therapy will passively make the patient realise that the mother is no more and things are going to change. Additionally, the analysis enriches the patient with important resolutions that can be helpful in adapting to the new life ahead. The next issue regards cruising the left children with a series of self-reflections that help them identify themselves as highly appreciated people within a community in spite of the loss they just incurred (Le Roux and Smith, 1998). Community representatives may be best suited in giving this kind of sessions as they best understand the life of the left kids before the mother died and the likely changes that the children will encounter, now after the change in the circumstance. Crucial aspects that ought to be dealt with is esteem and self-worth (Balk, 1983). The fought feelings are anger, disappointment, guilt, loneliness and helplessness. Close people within the neighbourhood and the society, in general, is expected to provide companionship and assure the left children that the death was not their doing. Some of the feelings may be disguised within the victim, and they may suffer internal wounds that are dangerous since they may not be discovere...